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The Cardboard Box Theory (of Home Education)
By Debbie Harbeson
John and the kids were in the living room engrossed in various
activities when I walked in with my latest homeschooling catalog.
“John,” I began excitedly, “check this out, this curriculum says it
will teach your kids all about –.”
He didn’t even look up from the sports page. He just put up his hand
like some curriculum traffic cop. “Stop right there.”
“No, wait, I’m sure I found the right one this time; I just know it.”
“Debbie, you’ve barely used the stuff you already bought.”
Melissa, over in the corner with her new box of sculpting clay
working on a peregrine falcon, piped up, “Oh, I don’t know Dad, we’ve
used the stuff Mom bought. It’s pretty cool really. Yesterday four
textbooks made a perfect support for our bike ramps.”
“And those skinny ones make great bases for our ball games,” added
Keith, who then returned to categorizing his plastic dinosaurs by
species.
Melissa continued, “Yeah, and Keith, remember how good they worked so
the blankets would stay in place for our Indian tepee? And mom, you did
say the grammar textbook was a good cure for insomnia.”
I pretended to be absorbed in my curriculum catalog.
Then Keith chimed back, “Ooh, ooh, yeah! And don’t forget the one
with the huge margins. It was perfect for my cartoon flipbook. And it
was YOUR idea to use workbook pages for origami practice and paper
airplane building.” He paused and I thought it was over. But he got an
odd smirk on his face and went on, “And umm, remember how handy
Explorations In Citizenship was when you ran out of toilet paper?”
I cringed. Then Melissa fired the final shot, “Mom, don’t you
remember what happened last Tuesday, when we babysat cousin Nicky? We
didn’t have to feed him any lunch after he chewed up chapter three of
Transportation Methods in Peru.”
“Hey gimme that back!“ I grabbed at the catalog and we tussled over
it until it tore in two. When I looked at my half, I was relieved. I
still had the order form.
John said, “What! How did –?”
I just held up my hand and said, “Don’t ask.”
He sighed. “Has it ever occurred to you this stuff is a waste of
money?” He grabbed the catalog out of my hands and started flipping
through it.
John began ripping up his half of the catalog, “Don’t you see? It’s
no different from when they were babies. We bought all those fancy toys
only to watch them have more fun with the box.”
I frowned and sat down to ponder this thought. But I was too hungry
to think. I looked around to make sure John and the kids were busy
again, then I quietly got up and crept into our bedroom. There on the
nightstand lay the huge Elementary Years Teacher Edition I
purchased several months ago and used once. I opened the cover and
smiled. The chocolate was still hidden in the hole I had cut out.
As I munched on the candy, I continued to read over the current
catalog, half of it anyway. After all, I didn’t want it to go to waste.
Thanks to Debbie Harbeson - writer and mother of grown
homeschoolers - for this excerpt from her humor book, “Okay
Kids, Time For Bedlam.” Any self-directed learner in need of more humor
can read the entire book by downloading the free PDF file from
her website.
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